Sunday, October 29, 2006

 

Story time

I could make some sort of gratuitous remark about this being my 13th post. But I'm not. Because that's not very random at all, in fact it's just plain asinine and predictable. So if you were planning to read a Number 13 joke, forget it.
Instead, I'm gonna right a novel. That's right, an entire novel, in one blog post! OK, here goes:

"Our tale's hero, Terry Harkness, has just been murdered in his bed. The End."
Wait a minute, you mean that's it?
What do you mean?
Well, aren't you gonna provide a little backstory for his murder?
Why bother? He's dead. The story's over.
But he's the main character! You can't just kill him off!
Why not?
Because he's the main character, doofus! There can't be a story without him. Have him wake up before he's attacked or something.
Oh yeah, suuure. Do you realize just how unlikely that is to actually happen in real life? I hate, I really loathe that plot device. Why shouldn't the hero ever be bumped off by an assassin who's been bumping other people off for years, just because he's the star? It makes no sense!
Fine, so the killer doesn't have to tip him off. Make him get up because he senses something wrong.
Jeez, no! That's even worse!
It's what the readers want.
Who's writing, you or me?
Is that some sort of trick question?
[Siighh] OK, OK, so you got me, I'll do it. But I won't make him awaken just because he gets bad vibes in the middle of his sleep!
Fair enough.
Guy like that wouldn't be able to be much of a hero anyway, always waking up at the flip of a karma... No, I'll make the murderer less of a professional, less hit jobs under his belt. The classic "sktch" giveaway.
Do I detect a note of sarcasm?
Shaddup and let me compose.
"Terry Harkness awoke from his slumber when he heard a slight sktch from the direction of the hotel room's closet."
Happy now?
Quite.

Hmm... I guess I really won't be able to write a blog-length novel like this, will I? Oh well, back to the old "segment" standby. Until next time--which is whenever I feel like it--this is MetFanMac, signing off!


TODAY'S BOOK: "Bunnicula", by Deborah and James Howe ((c) 1979)

TODAY'S MOVIE: "Aladdin", from Disney (1991)

WWWW2?: A small contingent of Boy Scouts.

TODAY'S WEBSITE: www.overture.com I'm quite sure that Google is the first choice for you when you need an online search engine; as a matter of fact, it's my first choice too. But Overture was the first search engine I used after getting online access on my computer, and while it's nowhere near as comprehensive as Google, I still use it occasionally. So, if you're looking for a bit of nostalgia, here you go!

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