Thursday, May 29, 2008


A post written with my fists and other body appendages

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T0D4Y5 800K: "The Darwin Awards", by Wendy Northcutt ((c) 2000)


Saturday, May 24, 2008


127th post

One day late, but what the heck. This is what I look like over the course of the Omer.
For reference:

Before At the end
TODAY'S BOOK: "James and the Giant Peach", by Roald Dahl ((c) 1961)

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Tuesday, May 20, 2008


126th post

Well, another month has come and gone and the latest issue of the ShiurTimes has arrived in the mail and--well, ain't this a fine kettle of fish. I'm not in it! Not anywhere! And I sent in those submissions weeks ago.
While I get this mess sorted out, you can instead feast your eyes on my first trio of submissions, from way back in December '07. One lucky pic got printed, unfortunately despite repeated requests they mysteriously refuse to tell me which one.
Pic 1 refers to the end of the teachers' strike, the longest in Israeli history, which was settled right after Chanukah vacation.
Pic 2 shows the current Israeli method of hostage negotiation: we give, they demand. Damn, I miss Entebbe. (That's Ehud Olmert on the left, Mahmoud Abbas on the right, and kidnapped soldier Gilad Shalit on the shelf.)
Pic 3 depicts Olmert's feelings for who he deems the country's "true" enemies. Beth Shalom is a highly contested building located in Hebron, which the IDF and police have repeatedly tried to kick the Jews out of.

TODAY'S BOOK: "Spoiled Rotten America: Outrages of Everyday Life", by Larry Miller ((c) 2006)


Wednesday, May 14, 2008


"Comfort Eagle"

Haven't done something like this in quite a while. Today's random song is "Comfort Eagle" by the band CAKE, which not only has excessively random lyrics delivered in a cadenced monotone similar to that of "Particle Man", but also has a very random title: it doesn't mean anything, it is lifted from a line that doesn't mean anything, and it is mentioned only once in the entire song... Lovely!

"We are building a religion/We are building it bigger/We are widening the corridors/And adding more lanes
We are building a religion/A limited edition/We are now accepting callers/For these pendant key chains
To resist it is useless/It is useless to resist it/His cigarette is burning/But he never seems to ash
He is grooming his poodle/He is living comfort eagle/You can meet at his location/But you better come with cash
Now his hat is on backwards/He can show you his tattoos/He is in the music business/He is calling you 'DUDE!'
Now today is tomorrow/And tomorrow today/And yesterday is weaving in and out
And the fluffy white lines/That the airplane leaves behind/Are drifting right in front/Of the waning of the moon
He is handling the money/He's serving the food/He knows about your party/He is calling you 'DUDE!'
Now do you believe/In the one big sign/The doublewide shine/On the bootheels of your prime
Doesn't matter if you're skinny/Doesn't matter if you're fat/You can dress up like a sultan/In your onion head hat
We are building a religion/We are making a brand/We're the only ones to turn to/When your castles turn to sand
Take a bite of this apple/Mr. Corporate Events/Take a walk through the jungle/Of cardboard shanties and tents
Some people drink Pepsi/Some people drink Coke/The wacky morning DJ/Says democracy's a joke
He says, now do you believe/In the one big song/He's now accepting callers/Who would like to sing along
She says, do you believe/In the one true edge/By fastening your safety belts/And stepping towards the ledge
He is handling the money/He is serving the food/He is now accepting callers/He is calling me 'DUDE!'
Now do you believe/In the one big sign/The doublewide shine/On the bootheels of your prime
There's no need to ask directions/If you ever lose your mind/We're behind you/We're behind you/And let us please remind you/We can send a car to find you/If you ever lose your way
We are building a religion/We are building it bigger/We are building a religion/A limited edition/We are now accepting callers.../For these beautiful.../Pendant key chains"

TODAY'S BOOK: "The Crisis", by Winston Churchill ((c) 1962)

TODAY'S WEBSITE: "Everything you know is wrong!" sang Weird Al Yankovic, and that's just what you'll be like if you rely on this by confusing it for the site it parodies, Wikipedia. Uncyclopedia is extraordinarily irreverent and tremendous good fun. One could literally spend hours mining its marvelously, gloriously insanely articles, newsflashes and factoids.


Monday, May 12, 2008


Boobs & Boobies

Be ye warned: this is a gratuitous attempt to rake in search engine hits!

A blue-footed booby

A booby trap

A booby prize

The boob tube

A booby-hatch

Daniel "Boobie" Gibson

83 IMDb entries with "boob", "boobs", "booby" or "boobies" in the title

27,800,000 hits on Google in 0.16 seconds for the above words

And just for good measure: a cock, two dicks and a pussy!

TODAY'S BOOK: "The Devil's Dictionary", by Ambrose Bierce ((c) 1911)


Saturday, May 10, 2008


123rd post

A Google search of "Giant Boogers from Outer Space" reveals this blog showing up at the following locations:
Blogspot, here (of course!) and over at The Ethereal Garage's links list.
And Technorati.
Fair 'nuff. Now... what does the Technorati page show?
Five "blog reactions":
The link from The Ethereal Garage and...
What in blue blazes???
Two of my most recent posts reproduced at some place called Celestial Objects, which I have no bleeping clue is all about...
And the 115th post reproduced at a site imaginatively called MLB Spring Training 2008, which credits it to, of all people, fellow blogger Seth Doria.
What the heck, people!
First off the bat, get the credit right. A cursory Technorati search turned up at least two more posts wrongly credited to Mr. Doria at MLB ST '08.
Secondly, if you're going to link to something by me Spring Training '08-related, why not pick the articles I mentioned in the 110th post? Or at least some of my other posts that are less tangentially related to baseball!
On the hother and, I did get an official Blogged profile out of the search, as well as a snazzy-looking link (see sidebar) and 7.3 rating based on an "Editor's Review" I cannot access.

TODAY'S BOOK: "The Umpire Strikes Back", by Ron Luciano and David Fisher ((c) 1982)


Thursday, May 08, 2008


122nd post

It's still not the 4th of July, but I'll teach you all the words to the national anthem anyway. Ready? Here goes:

כל עוד בלבב פנימה

נפש יהודי הומיה;

ולפאתי מזרח קדימה

עין לציון צופיה,

עוד לא עבדה תקוותינו,

התקווה בת שנות אלפיים:

להיות עם חופשי בארצינו,

ארץ ציון ירושלים.

Kol od ba-levav p'nimah

Nefesh yehudi homiyah;

U'l'fa-atei mizrach kadimah

Ayin le-tziyon tzofiyah,

Od loh avdah tikvateinu,

Ha-tikvah bat sh'not alpayim:

Li-h'yot am chofshi be-artzeinu,

Eretz tziyon yerushalayim.

So long as in a heart

A Jewish soul burns;

And towards the east

An eye is turned to Zion,

Our hope is still not lost,

The hope two thousand years old:

To be a free nation in our country,

A land of Zion and Jerusalem.

TODAY'S BOOK: "Others See Us", by William Sleator ((c) 1993)

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Sunday, May 04, 2008


Seen at Har Herzl

Today, on tour at Har Herzl Military Cemetery, walking around.
Theodor Herzl. David Ben-Gurion. Meir, Eshkol, Rabin. Hannah Szenes. Ro'i Klein.
Nissim Gini.
Closer look. Part of a monument, not a grave marker. Fighters in the Old City of Jerusalem in 1948.
53 years old. 22 years. 20s, 17s, 18s. Men and women.
Nissim Gini...
That can't be right.
Nissim Gini--age 10.
Age 10?
What the heck is a 10-year-old doing on the battlefront fighting for his country's life?
(He wasn't even 10, by the way; he was two months shy.)
This is beyond incomprehensible... 10 years old, giving his life up for the cause.
"Every able-bodied person, into the battle!" And off he went into the breach and never returned..
He shouldn't have been out there! He should have been at home, in bed, reading books, playing with friends.
Not out there.
Not dead on the ground.
This is what our country is built on...
Nissim Gini. Remembered on Fallen Soldiers Remembrance Day 5768.


Friday, May 02, 2008


Randomly reprinted post (II)

"I am now experimenting with font sizes. Can you tell?
And here comes the Freakazette, such a lovely shade of Bethnal Green.
Set at -22, 32, 248, 0, 1.19. Simmer gently.
A few weeks ago, I set a new personal record for the Round-The-Block Run--aka the 1500 Meter Dash--but gradually became slower every time I ran afterwards for some time. Then, after undergoing my second root canal (see Owchies) to remove my other two wisdom teeth, only once have I ran less than 10 seconds slower than that time, and in fact bested it twice, to set a new record of 8:02.07. Now I realize what was holding me back: my teeth.
There used to be three synonyms.
Doesn't Harry look beautiful in June?
Bunny bunny bunny go hippity-hop. Tee hee, courtesy laugh!

TODAY'S BOOK: 'Little Men', by Louisa May Alcott ((c) 1872)

TODAY'S MOVIE: 'Working Girl', from 20th Century Fox (1988)

WWWW2?: Ozzy Osbourne.

TODAY'S WEBSITE: Test your mettle against the brain-meltdown-inducing pictorial logic puzzles here. Adjustable for many different languages and several levels."
--47th post, 4/8/07


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