Sunday, April 29, 2007


52nd post

To Eric (because the [deleted] Blogspot again isn't letting me to add comments): Just to ensure you get the highest possible enjoyment out of saying Wakka Wakka through correct pronunciation, a sample from CapeTown's "Waka Waka" song (first mentioned in WAKKA WAKKA) can be played here. Despite the misspelling, the pronunciation's fairly accurate, except that the "ah" is supposed to be just a hair more Western.
As some of you may have heard, Michael Jackson is considering converting to Islam. I don't know about you, but if I were an Arab I wouldn't be too thrilled about a hermaphroditic refugee from plastic surgery wanting to join my religion.
Santa squashed the Mayans. I bought a bendy bow.
As the end of my final school year beckons, one by one I tick off each subject as its matriculation exam is undergone. English... check. History... check. Hebrew... check. Gemara... check.
To paraphrase (plagiarize?) Bill Cosby, there is no pain the world greater than trying to get out a sneeze and failing miserably. Your nasal tornado gets stuck in the sinus. "What are you doing?" "I'm exhaling my brain, sir, what do you think?"
Digger. Flyer. Lunch break is just never over.
Wakka wakka!

TODAY'S BOOK: "The Mother Tongue: English and How it Got That Way", by Bill Bryson ((c) 1990)

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Tuesday, April 24, 2007


Concerning the Crane Fly

Crane flies, which appear to be insane spiders with wings, are the Drunken Aviators of the insect world. Not only is their flying comically erratic, it's a miracle they have not yet gone extinct simply due to their inherent unfettered stupidity. Case in point: tonight while davening Ma'ariv, a crane fly landed on my knee during Shmona Esrei--just buzzed right in and touched down. All through the shuckling, bowing and stepping, it remained serenely undisturbed. When I was done, I commenced attempting to swat it. After having missed on the first two tries (during which it remained on my knee as though glued there), I finally connecting on the third go-around. Without it having been even a particularly strong swat, that dumb ol' crane fly fell down on the floor, dead as the proverbial doornail; at least now its physical state matched its mental state. Unless this crane fly was merely a spectacularly stupid specimen (which is quite possible), this seems to disprove Darwin's theory about the Survival of the Fittest.

TODAY'S BOOK: "Seabiscuit: An American Legend", by Laura Hillenbrand ((c) 2001)


Monday, April 23, 2007


This is not the 4th of July

But it is still an Independence Day post anyway. To keep this from being too un-random, this isn't a post to celebrate #50, either.
The CIA case officer who pops up in the Marblethorpe suite has a brother named Doug and a wife whose maiden name was Master.
And here's a shoutout to Mr. Bernardo Santos, a.k.a. Bernardo_writer78, also formerly known as Fiat_Stilo_fan, Jiminy Cricket, bernardo2001, and various sundry other aliases, my best friend on the IMDb Message Boards (he's the one who appears as "Funchal, Madeira" on my Site Meter).
Oh, Mister Morori, say what'll we do?
Wakka wakka! Wakka wakka! Wakka? Wakka wakka. Wak wak wak, wakka wakka. Wakka, wakka wakka, wak wakka. Wak. Wak wakka wakka? Wak wak.
A sewer near my house that had recently been gushing like a brubbling brabbling book has finally (or at least temporarily) been dried up. This is good thing, as I am pretty certain that I saw a new life-form evolving there.

TODAY'S BOOK: "The Heart of the Order", by Thomas Boswell ((c) 1989)

Bernardo, Eric, and whoever the heck else actually reads this, take note: the other three regular end-of-post features (Today's Movie, Who Won World War II?, and Today's Website) are going on a hiatus. Whether this is a "Michael Jordan"-esque hiatus or a "Harper Lee"-esque hiatus, I am unsure.

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Wednesday, April 18, 2007


"Particle Man"

Sometimes I feel that only a band with such a wonderfully random name as They Might Be Giants could churn out a song so wonderfully random as "Particle Man" (Teen Titans AMV at, because you expect it, and Tiny Toons version at, because you didn't expect it and anyway the clip was actually specifically tailored to the song and aired thusly on TV):

"Particle Man, Particle Man/Doing the things a particle can/What's he like? It's not important/Particle Man
Is he a dot, or is he a speck?/When he's underwater does he get wet?/Or does the water get him instead?/Nobody knows, Particle Man
Triangle Man, Triangle Man/Triangle Man hates particle man/They have a fight, Triangle wins/Triangle Man
Universe Man, Universe Man/Size of the entire universe Man/Usually kind to smaller man/Universe Man
He's got a watch with a minute hand,/Millenium hand and an eon hand/When they meet it's a happy land/Powerful man, Universe Man
Person Man, Person Man/Hit on the head with a frying pan/Lives his life in a garbage can/Person Man
Is he depressed or is he a mess?/Does he feel totally worthless?/Who came up with Person Man?/Degraded man, Person Man
Triangle Man, Triangle Man/Triangle Man hates Person Man/They have a fight, Triangle wins/Triangle Man"

TODAY'S BOOK: "The Pushcart Wat", by Jean Merrill ((c) 1964)

TODAY'S MOVIE: "The Prince of Egypt", from DreamWorks (1998)

WWWW2?: Thomas Edison.

TODAY'S WEBSITE: The New York Times is one of the world's oldest, most prestigious, and widely read newspapers. Now, by accessing this site, you can catch up on all the news and all the action without even waiting each morning for the print version! Chock-a-block full of articles (some of which, unfortunately, you must pay to read) that break in real time.


Wednesday, April 11, 2007


48th post

Forty-eight divide by two twenty-four hours day daily dairy cream cream of the crop the best the beast the Beast Within werewolves monsters scary frightening hair-raising hirsute me wacky odd oddball baseball season Shea Stadium orange and blue red white and blue patriotic defending the homeland war guns airplanes flying birds seagulls ocean Finding Nemo Pixar successful moneymaking making your own money counterfeiting illegal jail courtroom judge Judgement Day Independence Day sci-fi hi-fi stereos speakers loudspeakers talk loudly yell scream I scream you scream ice cream vanilla tasty yummy gummy gum gumball round bouncy bubbly light as a feather blowing in the wind tilting at windmills Don Quixote Spanish Mexican jumping beans lima beans green beans greens salad crunchy crackly snap crackle pop cereal bowl dish washing chores labor slavery Egypt pyramids conical comical comedian Jerry Lewis Jewish Israeli Israel's War of Independence 1948 forty-eight.

TODAY'S BOOK: "Myth Conceptions", by Robert Asprin ((c) 1980)

TODAY'S MOVIE: "Fantasia/2000", from Disney (1999)

WWWW2?: Alvin and the Chipmunks.

TODAY'S WEBSITE: This site is so small, the summary given on it should be informative enough:
"What happens when an English phrase is translated (by computer) back and forth between 5 different languages? The authors of the Systran translation software probably never intended this application of their program. As of September 2003, translation software is almost good enough to turn grammatically correct, slang-free text from one language into grammatically incorrect, barely readable approximations in another. But the software is not equipped for 10 consecutive translations of the same piece of text. The resulting half-English, half-foreign, and totally non sequitur response bears almost no resemblance to the original. Remember the old game of 'Telephone'? Something is lost, and sometimes something is gained. Try it for yourself!"


Sunday, April 08, 2007


47th post

I am now experimenting with font sizes. Can you tell?
And here comes the Freakazette, such a lovely shade of Bethnal Green.
Set at -22, 32, 248, 0, 1.19. Simmer gently.
A few weeks ago, I set a new personal record for the Round-The-Block Run--aka the 1500 Meter Dash--but gradually became slower every time I ran afterwards for some time. Then, after undergoing my second root canal (see Owchies) to remove my other two wisdom teeth, only once have I ran less than 10 seconds slower than that time, and in fact bested it twice, to set a new record of 8:02.07. Now I realize what was holding me back: my teeth.
There used to be three synonyms.
Doesn't Harry look beautiful in June?
Bunny bunny bunny go hippity-hop. Tee hee, courtesy laugh!

TODAY'S BOOK: "Little Men", by Louisa May Alcott ((c) 1872)

TODAY'S MOVIE: "Working Girl", from 20th Century Fox (1988)

WWWW2?: Ozzy Osbourne.

TODAY'S WEBSITE: Test your mettle against the brain-meltdown-inducing pictorial logic puzzles here. Adjustable for many different languages and several levels.


Sunday, April 01, 2007


The forty-sixth post

This being now April Fools' Day, a day of fun, fun fun fun, I have a fun louse located in my extra-shiny hair somewhere. I shall now demonstrate how a genius such as I myself am can give the unexpected surprise by acting completely normal and ir-random, thusly bewildering the poor unsuspecting reader, such as yourself. You. You adorable little whatever-you-are, the one without any eyebrows whatsoever. Who, having expecting much and muchness more random things in my blog of bloggage, is now instead trapped in a fate of reading material that is totally normal.
Oh, you poor, deluded, unsuspecting forgivable reader! Crouch before my awesome geniosity and ponder! Yes, crouch, I do dare say. I'm a very busy man, placing to go, things to attemptate. I shall arrive shortly. Never again shall you see such a glory as my unfettered normalcy. Bask, I command you! Now, where was I? There seems to be an overabundance of normalcy here right now, at this moment in time, per se. This is definitely quite a good joke, would you not agree, foolish eyebrowless reader on whom this clever April Fools' prank is? I shall ever assume you as being petrified in astonishment as the total lack of lack of context. Now, I must leave. The end is nigh.

TODAY'S BOOK: "The Listerdale Mystery", by Agatha Christie ((c) 1934)

TODAY'S MOVIE: "The Aristocats", from Disney (1970)

WWWW2?: Chuck Norris.

TODAY'S WEBSITE: Well, my hometown has its own homepage, and, well, this is it. Enjoy. (Hey, lots of towns don't have personalized websites! I'm allowed to be proud of ours, aren't I?)


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