Friday, February 27, 2009


247th post

This is the second of my three end-of-project posters, this one an army-recruitment one. It's the heaviest in size, and the one I finished last. The photos are spliced soldiers and pointing hands, and the pitch and slogan were ad-libbed. Background's a mishmash of patches and symbols. The hardest part was turning the US Army logo into a Pen shape.

TODAY'S BOOK: "Looking for Trouble", by Theodore Levite ((c) 1976)


Wednesday, February 25, 2009


Thoughts on a worthless custom

Every year, without fail, the senior classes of Israel's religious secondary schools go out on the First of Adar and perpetuate a long-standing sholastic tradition. In a nutshell, they turn the whole school upside down in one massive prank.
What fun. What a lark.
What absolute crap.
I was going to write a whole humongous article disparaging this tradition, but do you know what? Words fail to voice the depth of my hatred for this total idiocy. Every damn year, another day's routine shot to hell with barricades, and farm animals, and straw, and floods. Every single damn year.
Ever since 7th grade, I've hated it.
I hate pranks in general, and I particularly hate the school system for giving carte blanche to this whole widescale pranking. And lucky me, I even got to witness it again during my sherut leumi year at Nachshon. When it was my class's turn to perpetrate it, I flat-out refused. This isn't funny. This isn't fun. It's revolting.

TODAY'S BOOK: "How to be an Alien", by George Mikes ((c) 1946)


Monday, February 23, 2009


Randomly reprinted post (XII)

"Wonder of wonders
Irony of ironies
Usually I only take Bus 416 from school
But today, in a prelude to more irony,
I took it back from the library too!

When Glavine leaves the Mets to return to the Braves,
That is an irony;
When Arabs say Annapolis shafted them,
That is an irony too.

But of all the ironies large and small
The most ironic of them all
Is the woman passenger on the 416
Who asked if we had reached her stop yet long after we'd passed it and I don't care if this line doesn't rhyme and is too long ha ha 'cause I'm random

TODAY'S BOOK: 'The Adventures of Holly Hobbie', by Richard Dubelman ((c) 1980)"
--83rd post, 12/2/07


Saturday, February 21, 2009


Three-Thousand-Hit Blog 8-/

Today, after two years, four months and sixteen days of blogging, and exactly six months after the second thousand hits, Giant Boogers from Outer Space has gotten another additional one thousand hits and has reached the big 3K! So let's give a big hand to the anonymous feller from Albany, NY, who is not only the 3,000th visitor but also the very first one to arrive here via the Bill Stickers post.
Hits-per-day dropped to 3, and while this past November scooped the honor of being the second-busiest month here after June '08--and July '08, last noted as the silver medalist, was passed by two others as well--monthly totals overall have tumbled drastically since then. Still, February is poised to pass the lowest-scoring month since (August) with 13 more hits in the remaining eight days, including today. Personally, my visits have also dropped ever lower, to possibly an average of once a week, if even that. Average visit lengths also dropped, to a dismal 19 seconds, just 2 over the average of the first thousand, but I'm going to discount that now that an e-mail convesation with SiteMeter has revealed that it's definitely not an accurate measurement.
Not counting spam, fifty-five more comments have been posted here (for an average of one every one point nine oh nine oh nine oh nine etc. posts, not yet counting this one, past Y2K-Y), led with an astonishing thirty-one by GBFOS's first--and so far only--Follower, Sea_of_Green, sixteen more by me (bringing my overall total to thirty), four more by the indomitable mister Khaaan!, and two by Kurt Busiek, GBFOS's first celebrity commenter, plus two single-timers. Eric, meanwhile, seems to have gone AWOL, on his blog as well as mine.
Along the way, I finished runner-up in another online art contest, celebrated the blog's second anniversary, landed on another links list, finally got credited in the magazine that publishes me, enrolled in a tertiary educational school, voted in my first elections, finished the PhotoShop section of my course, illustrated a set of bar mitzvah invitations, voted in my first national elections, redislocated my shoulder, and had another humor article published online.
On to the next thousand!!!

TODAY'S BOOK: "Johnny Tremain", by Esther Forbes ((c) 1943)


Thursday, February 19, 2009


"Dare to be Stupid"

This is the third time I'm transcribing a Weird Al Yankovic song for the blog, but what can I say? The dude's intensely random! Watch the music video at, then come back here and catch all the verses you missed:

"Put down your chainsaw and listen to me/It's time for us to join in the fight/It's time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys/It's time to let the bedbugs bite
You better put all your eggs in one basket/You better count your chickens before they hatch/You better sell some wine before its time/You better find yourself an itch to scratch
You better squeeze all the Charmin you can while Mr. Whipple's not around/Stick your head in the microwave and get yourself a tan
Talk with your mouth full/Bite the hand that feeds you/Bite off more than you chew/What can you do?/Dare to be stupid
Take some wooden nickels/Look for Mr. Goodbar/Get your mojo working now/I'll show you how/You can dare to be stupid
You can turn the other cheek/You can just give up the ship/You can eat a bunch of sushi and forget to leave a tip

Dare to be stupid/Come on and dare to be stupid/It's so easy to do/Dare to be stupid/We're all waiting for you/Let's go

It's time to make a mountain out of a molehill/So can I have a volunteer?/There's no more time for crying over spilled milk/Now it's time for crying in your beer
Settle down, raise a family, join the PTA/Buy some sensible shoes and a Chevrolet/Then party 'til you're broke and they drag you away/It's OK, you can dare to be stupid
It's like spitting on a fish/It's like barking up a tree/It's like they said you gotta buy one if you wanna get one free

Dare to be stupid (yes!)/Why don't you dare to be stupid/It's so easy to do/Dare to be stupid/We're all waiting for you/Dare to be stupid

Burn your candle at both ends/Look a gift horse in the mouth/Mashed potatoes can be your friend
You can be a coffee achiever/You can sit around the house and watch Leave It To Beaver/The future's up to you/So what you gonna do?/Dare to be stupid/Dare to be stupid

What did I say?/Dare to be stupid/Tell me, what did I say?/Dare to be stupid/It's all right/Dare to be stupid/We can be stupid all night/Dare to be stupid/Come on and join the crowd/Dare to be stupid/Shout it out loud/Dare to be stupid/I can't hear you/Dare to be stupid/OK, I can hear you now/Dare to be stupid/Let's go/Dare to be stupid/Dare to be stupid/Dare to be stupid/Dare to be stupid/Dare to be stupid/Dare to be stupid/Dare to be stupid/Dare to be stupid"

TODAY'S BOOK: "Another Fine Myth", by Robert L. Asprin ((c) 1978)


Tuesday, February 17, 2009


242nd post

For my end-of-course project in PhotoShop, I designed three posters. This is the simplest one, for the non-existent End Global Famine organization. I made up the statistic, but it sounds about right, don't you think? (Also, if you squint, there's a bit of a surprise in the background...)

TODAY'S BOOK: "Baseball's Biggest Bloopers: The Games That Got Away", by Dan Gutman ((c) 1993)


Sunday, February 15, 2009



I spust jove to loonerize, yon't dou?

TODAY'S BOOK: "The Bourne Identity", by Robert Ludlum ((c) 1980)


Friday, February 13, 2009


240th post

The ShiurTimes was renamed IsraTimes and the editor in chief who hired me left, but I'm still here. Oddly, while receiving the February issue, I'm lacking the two preceding ones. Until those come in, have a gander at the pic that did get in--and for the first time with my personally-designed header, "Line_of_Fire".

Pretty self-explanatory.

TODAY'S BOOK: "Baseball Anecdotes", by Daniel Okrent and Steve Wulf ((c) 1989)


Wednesday, February 11, 2009


239th post

You probably don't remember, but I like to write as well as draw. (Said the guy typing up his blog's 239th post in less than 3 years.) The ISS already ran a two-part article I wrote back in last April, and now the Darth Obvius pseudonym has resurfaced with what was originally titled "6 Scientists Who Were Batpoop Insane". The end result was edited slightly after a complaint by one of the subjects' descendants/relatives. Lady, I'm sorry, but if you think I meant to personally insult anybody on the list you are mistaken. I'd hoped that my obvious tongue-in-cheek style would lessen the sting. (Also, I blame conveniently wrong sources. So nyah.)

TODAY'S BOOK: "The Movement", by Ruthie Pearlman ((c) 2000)


Monday, February 09, 2009


238th post

Since 1/22/09, I have received e-mail spam from the following addresses:

Andrea Carrillo
Angelo Blackman
Angelo Staton
Ashley Chase
Azure Cowper
Bank System Administration
Breitling Watches
Brent Hunt
Bryan Crowder
Canadian Pharmacy id1635
Canadian Pharmacy id9197009
Chris Brenna
Claris Kari
Clemens Bergeron
Cody Doretha
Dina Wesley
Dina Winton
Dixie Bland
Efren Strong
Emilia Knox
Esteban Whitt
Forest Carbaugh
Forrest Sellers
Heather Erickson
Ismael Romero
Jill Stone
Jim Williams
Kathryn Hatfield
Kenia Santos
Keshia Shona
Latricia Joslyn
Layne Lavern
Lenny Stallings
Marget Carroll
Martine Zaida
Nandy Shotts
Nathanael Newbern
Omega Watches
Rigoberto Goodrich
Rita R., San Francisco
Rolex 2010 models
Rolex Watches
Shelia Cantu
Tabby Dull
Tina Ramey
Trina Simms
USA_Pharmacy id6507
Vesta Shenna
Yesenia Whitaker

Plus no less than 10 from our own e-mail address, which begs the question of just how dumb these spammers think we are.

TODAY'S BOOK: "Jurassic Park", by Michael Crichton ((c) 1990)

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Saturday, February 07, 2009



It goddamn happened again! D-:<

TODAY'S BOOK: "When My Love Returns From the Ladies Room, Will I be Too Old to Care?", by Lewis Grizzard ((c) 1987)

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Thursday, February 05, 2009


236th post

Oh, my stars and garters!

THIS is a scene from Pinky and the Brain episode #50, "You'll Never Eat Food Pellets in This Town Again!". THAT, my friends, is the exact correct pronunciation of Wakka Wakka. And when I first saw this episode, my eyes bugged out and I began slapping my face hysterically.

TODAY'S BOOK: "The Taking of Pelham One Two Three", by John Godey ((c) 1973)


Tuesday, February 03, 2009


235th post

Got paid 150 NIS (almost $40) for whipping this up for a set of bar mitzvah invitations. The family had space limitations and wanted to let the invitees know they couldn't bring their kids. Several more caustic versions were gone through before we settled on this one.

TODAY'S BOOK: "The Gas-Fitters' Ball", by Philip Pullman ((c) 1998)


Sunday, February 01, 2009


Randomly reprinted post (XI)


These are the baseball cards I have in my collection that show Uniform Number 32. One Danny Gladden card gets displayed back and front to show the 3 and 2, one Dennis Martinez card has only the back displayed because you can't see the 32 on the front, and two cards (Andy Van Slyke and Benji Gil) have players other than the 'focal' one with my favorite of numbers. (The Van Slyke card features Gene Lamont, but I don't know who's wearing it on the Gil card.) Plus eight team cards that you can see a 32 on somebody if you squint hard enough.

TODAY'S BOOK: 'Thud!', by Terry Pratchett ((c) 2005)"
--189th post, 11/4/08


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