Saturday, October 09, 2010



The Google Images filter settings are nothing more than a sham. Type in the names of pretty much any cartoon characters, and you'll get fanart of a sexually explicit nature sprinkled among the more innocuous results. And this not just with the "recommended" Moderate SafeSearch setting, oh no; even if you set the filters to Strict, you will still in all likelihood get NSFW results within the first ten pages (and often on Page 1).
Adding insult to injury, the "report offensive images" option is usually pretty much useless, as the images tend to stick around, both on the screen and burned into the backs of your retinas.
On any given search, you are likely to find :
Plus, do not ever use any Pokemon-related keywords whatsoever if you want to preserve your sanity.

TODAY'S BOOK: "1776", by David McCullough ((c) 2005)


Thursday, September 30, 2010


Randomly reprinted post (XXIV)

"Post-it posted on a Post cereal box. Postopia, a state one enters post-operation.
Heave a supercharged battery into a live wire fire, watch what happens, and--here's the important part--don't blame me.
From flashes of lightning we go to rumbles of thunder, and I wish we didn't. I had a grand total of two (2) hours of sleep last night due to the sonic effects of G-d riffing on His bongo drums.
Seashells with thumbtack paste taste good with marinara sauce, Leastways, that's what I've heard. But you don't to take my word for it. Uh-uh.
You burn faggots. You're supposed to burn faggots as well. If you don't understand that (and you probably don't) consult a dictionary and a thesaurus.
If I could just combine all the stray cats in my neighborhood into one big cat, I could probably take over Indiana. If you want to join my revolutionarily random revolution while it's still in its pre-planning phase, dial 1-800-I-AM-AN-IDIOT. If someone answers, please hang up and whistle 'Dixie'.

TODAY'S BOOK: 'Fantastic Voyage', by Isaac Asimov ((c) 1966)

TODAY'S MOVIE: 'Air Force One', from Touchstone Pictures (1997)

WWWW2?: Tony Gwynn.

TODAY'S WEBSITE: Rounding out the list of four comic strips I read daily, G.B. Trudeau's Doonesbury--now in its 35th year--has a website that, besides running the daily strip as a matter of course, also features asinine quotes (usually political), links to current news (usually political), and an admittedly meaningless straw poll (almost always political), as well as useful information on the strip itself and a collection of cartoons Trudeau drew at Yale before embarking on his current career."
--26th post, 12/27/06


Thursday, September 23, 2010


378th post

I have only one thing to say about this year's American political voting season:

This guy is awesome.

TODAY'S BOOK: "The Secret of Platform 13", by Eva Ibbotson ((c) 1994)

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Sunday, September 19, 2010


377th post

Well, I hope you're happy, Ike Davis. I hope you're happy with your decision to go ahead and play on Yom Kippur 5770. After all, with your team wallowing in fourth place, 13 games out and going nowhere, your contributions on the field were absoultely necessary--nay, even vital--to assuring your team's success yesterday. I hope you're happy about going 0-for-4 with three strikeouts and leaving a runner in scoring position during yet another lackluster Mets loss. I hope you're happy about going completely against your heritage as a Jew (and a halachic Jew, at that--not just a "cultural" Jew with a Jewish father), an act which Jewish luminaries of the sport, much more famous and talented than you--Hank Greenberg, Sandy Koufax and Shawn Green--have avoided while at the same time being in either pennant races or the World Series.
Isaac Benjamin Davis?
Go to your room, young man.

TODAY'S BOOK: "Have You Seen Hyacinth Macaw?", by Patricia Reilly Giff ((c) 1981)


Monday, September 13, 2010


I'm in a video!

You can catch glimpses of me at 2:48-2:51 and 3:25-3:27 - that's 5 whole seconds of airtime! Wow!!

TODAY'S BOOK: "The Boy Who Saved Baseball", by John H. Ritter ((c) 2003)


Sunday, August 22, 2010


373rd post

It all started on my other blog, with some bleeptard writing anti-Semitic slurs on a post showcasing my cartoon about the Demjanjuk Trial. Defiantly, I answered with an uncompromising statement of my principles.
Today this person

found said post, ask me not exactly how--it's at times like this that I really, REALLY wish the Sitemeter was able to track Google Images search words--and, apparently being a moron of few words--albeit somewhat limited grammar--contented him/herself with saying:

(Edited so as not to offend my more sensitive readers.)

The commenter, of course, was anonymous.
And I just have to laugh, I really do. Tell me, Brazilian Bozo, when was the last time a Nazi accomplished anything? I'll tell you: when your heroes reached the gates of Stalingrad.
That was your last hurrah, wasn't it, you Nazi scumbag? Once you lost the siege and couldn't solve the Britons and then the Americans landed, it was nothing but retreat, retreat, retreat. Then your glorious Fuhrer shot himself in his bunker and it was all over for you.
And every Nazi since then can only dream of accomplishing anything at all, much less genocide. Your absolute pinnacle of achievement is scrawling messages of hate on Jews' blogs.
And if you're not in fact a Nazi, then please in the name of all that is holy please explain to me what has made you so messed up that you read a post whose entire point is to denigrate Nazis, some of the vilest human beings of the 20th century, and the only thing--the only thing--you can focus on is that the writer is Jewish.
Well, hombre, let me reiterate my message to you--in a language I think you may understand better:

And that is positively all.

TODAY'S BOOK: "Stay Fit and Healthy Until You're Dead", by Dave Barry ((c) 1985)

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Thursday, August 05, 2010


371st post

That there's my 130th cartoon drawn for The Jerusalem Post, submitted yesterday and slated to appear exclusively online. That's the twelfth of the thirty I drew since the last update in the 356th post to be seen by the general public (overall total: 67, or just a touch over half of the total).
Subjects of said 12 'toons break down as follows:
Radical Islam (2)
Hizbullah (2)
Iranian sanctions
The Palestinian Authority
Unilateral withdrawals
Gilad Schalit
The Conversion Bill
The Israeli Comptroller's Report
Jewish holidays

The stars!
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (four times, once unpublished)
Israeli PM Binyamin Netanyahu (four times, thrice unpublished)
US President Barack Obama (twice)
Hizbullah leader Hassan Nasrallah (twice, once unpublished)
Syrian President Bashar Assad (once)
Hamas leader Ismail Haniyeh (once)
Ayatollah Ali Khamenei (once)
Uncle Sam (once)

Plus all of the following none of whom made it in:
Turkish PM Recep Tayyip Erdogan
Israeli Deputy Health Minister Yaakov Litzman
Israeli politico Moshe Feiglin
Helen Thomas
Inspector Clouseau

Bibi had the hardest fall, only appearing once out of four submissions (the most of anybody), leaving him at 22 overall. Obama made both his appearances count, and Ahmadenijad led the pack with three printings, putting him at a stunning 12-for-15 (80%) success rate historically. Startlingly missing completely is PA Chairman Mahmoud Abbas, who seems to have dropped off the news radar completely.
And now, the bonus you've all learned to look forward to: my favorite unpublished cartoon from this period!

It's a no-brainer, really--the only cartoon I ever literally begged the Post to print, and they wouldn't. I already featured it on The Eighth Day, and here it is again. Soak up the bitterness!

TODAY'S BOOK: "The City of Ember", by Jeanne DuPrau ((c) 2003)


Friday, July 23, 2010


Missionary position

Both knees on the ground and hands clasped in front. Simple, really.

TODAY'S BOOK: "Well, Duh!: Our Stupid World, and Welcome to It", by Bob Fenster ((c) 2004)


Monday, July 12, 2010


369th post

9,000 DAYS, people.
Another milestone comes and passes...

TODAY'S BOOK: "East is East",  by George Mikes ((c) 1958)

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Monday, July 05, 2010


368th post

The New Adventures of Little Toot has got to be one of the most obscure animated movies of all time. I can barely find any proof for its existence on the Internet, and its entire IMDb entry was written by me. (Thankfully, I'd had the foresight to preserve the cast list for posterity before the videotape got lost.)
Without further ado, here is the only footage I can find from it--the movie's sole song (except for the one during the credits), "Percy's Perfect Purple Pickled Pelican Pellets":

It's quite obvious the animators were heavily influenced by "Pink Elephants on Parade" from Dumbo. To quote from one of only two reviews for this film on, this song "will rob you of your sanity". So you can thank me once they take you away (ho ho, hee hee, ha ha) to the funny farm!

TODAY'S BOOK: "The Dosadi Experiment", by Frank Herbert ((c) 1977)


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