Thursday, May 24, 2007


Story time - Part 4

"Terry Harkness awoke from his slumber when he heard a slight sktch from the direction of the hotel room's closet. The former CIA operative with hair-trigger senses waited, as was his habit in these matters, a full five seconds; then he heard the slight noise again. Triangulating it with his keen ears, he deduced that it was being made by a shoe on the linoleum. Amateur, Harkness thought instinctively, you should've worn tennis sneakers. Automatically lunging for the gun he always kept nearby, a habit he'd acquired during his undercover days, Harkness spun and shot at the intruder while still trying to shake the cobwebs of slumber from his eyes.
"Unfortunately, the other man--he could see it was a man in the pale moonlight that filtered through the Venetian blinds of the window--was not as complete an amateur as he'd have preferred, and had begun moving evasively as soon as he'd realized that he'd blown his cover. Nonetheless, the bullet grazed his arm; but held in his other arm, Harkness beheld a rather nasty-looking handgun.
"'Who are you?' Harkness demanded.
"The reply consisted of a short, sustained burst of hot lead; catlike, Harkness avoided the... the... um..."
Hail of bullets.
Yeah, that sounds nice, "hail of--". Oh. You're back again.
In the print!
Well, now on second thought, maybe I'm now using too much flowery prose.
Oh, sure, as soon as I give you an idea, you hate it!
That's right, go off and sulk, maybe I'll have some peace and quiet here for once. "Harkness avoided the bullets and, with one powerful somersault, came within five feet of the assailant. Unlike him, he would not miss from this range.
"'Who sent you?' he pressed. 'Talk now, scumbag, or I'll shoot!'
Now it's time for a standoff.
A standoff? Why?
Due to the fact that the bad guy knows he won't dare shoot because he really wants answers.
Gee, I dunno, such an amateur shouldn't have that much reasoning power. He's just a simple thug.
Not so simple--you made him move before Harkness squeezed off his first shot, remember?
Weellll, OK, I'll grant you that. But I'm gonna give it a twist.
Suit yourself. I just want some respect.
Hang on, I just had another idea.
Any more interruptions and the only respect you'll be getting is the respect for the dead. Now Hush!
"'Drop the gun!' he commanded. The man complied.
"Harkness's mind was racing. 'Who are you?' he repeated. The man remained silent.
"'Who sent you?' he pressed. 'Talk now, scumbag, or I'll shoot!'
"His would-be killer grinned, revealing ugly, uneven teeth in a mouth exposed beneath the black stocking that covered the upper half of his face. 'You vun't dare kill me,' he said with a trace of a Hispanic accent."
Out of order! You are most definitely out of order, and after I finally get this bit finished, we are through for today!
"'You vant answers? Drop your gun, too.'
"'Now, who said anything about killing you?' Harkness asked innocently.
"Then he shot the assailant in the kneecap."
Bum bum bummm!!
Shaddap! This is MetFanMac, signing off!

TODAY'S BOOK: "Travels With Charley in Search of America", by John Steinbeck ((c) 1961)


Thursday, May 17, 2007



So, I'm headed for a friend's house to pick up some papers. Dig?
My friend lives on Street X, House Number 5.
The "Street" is made of two driveways branching off from a different road.
I'm looking for Number 5. And I can't find Number 5.
I can find Number 9. Number 9 is at a 90-degree angle to a building labeled both Number 11 and Number 24.
Eventually I phone my friend and tell him to come downstairs. Where does he pop out from?
That's right, Number 9. Dig it!
So, to recap, one house is both 11 and 24, one house is 9 but is really 5--oh yeah, and at a 90-degree angle to both of them is a bunker marked (obviously) 11A.
How I love such perfectly obtained randomness.

TODAY'S BOOK: "Dave at Night", by Gail Carson Levine ((c) 1999)

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Friday, May 11, 2007


54th post

Today's post is brought to you by Anubis Markets, a division of Osiris Foods (which may be a bit inappropriate in light of the fate of Amon Tomaz, but whatever). So shop at the sign of the jackal-headed man for food so good, you can eat it! However, this will not affect this post in any way.
468,286 + 9 = 468,293. Remember that now, kiddies.
How ingeniously disingenuous of him!
I am on tenderhooks. They are tenderizing me. (If you want to buy hook-tenderized meat, you should shop at Anubis Markets.)
Hey! hey! Give me your hand. Butterflies in La-La Land.
[Commercial break] Come and buy food at Anubis Markets, a division of Osiris Foods. So shop at the sign of the jackal-headed man for food so good, you can eat it! And now, back to the post at hand. [End of commercial break]
It has been raining quite a bit as of late, and it being the middle of May. I am despondent because a man named Shultz is not wearing my socks.
I feel hungry, oh so hungry, I ain't got nobody, to cook me a meal... (If you are also hungry, you should visit Anubis Markets, a division of Osiris Foods.)
If a yellow duck is necessary, only rubber will do.
What have we learned from today's post? We have learned that adding one number to another number gives a combined answer; that a man named Shultz is against My Socks; and that if one needs to buy some food, it would be a good idea to visit a store like Anubis Markets, a division of Osiris Foods. I often enjoy going to Anubis Markets to buy food. And they have a very wide selection of edibles. So shop at the sign of the jackal-headed man for food so good, you can eat it!

TODAY'S BOOK: "Hogfather", by Terry Pratchett ((c) 1996)

TODAY'S WEBSITE: (In a move arrived at by my R.A.G., I have decided to re-institute this feature on a quasi-regular basis, thus making it even more random than it used to be.) For the first time ever, my country will have a (semi-)professional baseball league, comprised of six teams with three playing fields and featuring players from around the globe, with Opening Day set for June 24-25th; I have tickets to the first game of my hometown Beit Shemesh Blue Sox, hosting the Netanya Tigers! This is a very professional-looking site, with player stats and bios, breaking news, and links to several players' Blogspot blogs, as well as MUCH else.


Sunday, May 06, 2007


Some More Musings on Natural Phenomenae (Including Hair)

Up until yesterday, that's how I looked (the picture on the bottom). Now, with the advent of Lag Ba'Omer and the resumption of shaving duties, I'm back to looking normal (the picture on top), as seen in my Profile. (Yes, of course I'm normal, silly--it's the rest of the world that's nuts).
Anyway, yesterday also had some pretty freaky weather. It was the middle of a heatwave (normal) yet overcast (still pretty normal) and soon it began to rain (most definitely NOT normal). Eventually it stopped, but on my way home it was so windy all that it needed was for Ray Bolger to show up and start shouting "It's a twister!". It also began, annoyingly enough, to dripple (I've got a patent pending on this as well, for official inclusion to the dictionary). But eventually it all turned out okay. My only regrets are that this post isn't random enough.
So what else can I say? Oh, yeah: Eric has visited this blog 10 times in the last 10 days--dude, it's okay, I already know you're neurotic so you don't have to prove it to me--and Bernardo has now changed his IMDb username to "Commendatore-1", saying he really doesn't like his given name (not bad coming from a guy who used it in two of his most recent usernames), and thus almost reaching the number of times he's changed his signature.
If I've offended anyone, I have only this to say: Wakka Wakka!

TODAY'S BOOK: "The Gammage Cup", by Carol Kendall ((c) 1959)

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