Monday, November 27, 2006


21st post

My scanner is broken. There is a peacock head in my bed. The shells have oysters in them. I am writing this by telepathy.
I am the eggman. They are the eggmen.
If by any chance you have now been or ever were changed into a giant cockroach, call 1-800-KAFKA now.
Is it "better safe than pregnant" or "better late than pregnant"? Oh well, they're both funny.
:-) :-( :-P :-/ :-D I've also seen how to draw a hand with a raised middle finger like this, but don't remember quite how. Lucky you.
If you start to drink prune juice and you keep drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking until you all of a sudden feel an overpowering urge to go to the bathroom, stop drinking.

TODAY'S BOOK: "David Letterman: On Stage and Off", by Rosemarie Lennon ((c) 1994)

TODAY'S MOVIE: "The Jungle Book", from Disney (1967)


TODAY'S WEBSITE: Having recently celebrated its 1,500,000th entry, what is possibly the most useful online encyclopedia is still going strong. My personal favorite uses of it are looking up comic books and old movies. The good news: anybody can edit an entry. The bad news: anybody can edit an entry.


Monday, November 20, 2006


20th post

Twenty XX double cross no good traitor vile Carmen San Diego charging padres thundering lightning flash buzz bee antennae sensitive hyper quick so sharp you'll cut yourself suicide deep dark dank depression dungeon Aladdin monkey capering escapade Great Escape movie time review troops what a trooper proud parental warm hot boiling cauldron volcano explosion magma flow flowing down vertical horizontal plane takeoff spaceship rocket to the moon Apollo 13 unlucky Friday Saturday Shabbos holy full of holes sieve sift flour eggs caking bacon ham butcher slaughter massacre Polacks stupid dumb light bulbs banish the night away way away long way to go training fighting peace protection racket racquet ball serve net high up tippity top Pikes Peak summit meeting argument confrontation don't like Rex dinosaurs ancient medieval lack of knowledge retards mental case hospital infection virus bacteria cells cellular phone phony nickel dime quarter third half orange tangy sweet lollipop red rose flowery gaudy bright lights camera action movement sensor ESP especially such as like really like love fleeting fleet ships fish 'n chips French Fries fried French losers haha laugh joke riddle me ree whee fun theme park Six Flags Stars and Stripes bars prison jail inmate outmate in-law outlaw outlying lands of the realm map countryside hunt fox-hunting 20th Century Fox twenty.

TODAY'S BOOK: "Getting Old is Murder", by Rita Lakin ((c) 2005)

TODAY'S MOVIE: "The Guns of Navarone", from Columbia Tristar (1961)

WWWW2?: Joe DiMaggio.

TODAY'S WEBSITE: Everybody's favorite loser geek who works in a cubicle and appears in a comic strip has his own website as well. Get the daily dose, view past ones, get the lowdown on major characters and take part in the annual Weasel Poll.


Friday, November 17, 2006


19th post

Put your head betwen your knees and kiss your bum goodbye.
I figger that a chigger ain't bigger than a nnnot gonna go there.
My brain is much like a clock. And like many clocks, it regularly goes cuckoo.
Wakka wakka. Wakka wakka. Wakka wak wakka. Wakka! Wakka wakka wakka wak.
Never trust a man with no hair. Not that I have anything against bald men personally, but when a guy just can't hold on to his own hair, you know that there's something not completely kosher about him.
Bartelby bit the snake pass cube.
I am consoled by the fact that in some alternate reality, Carlos Beltran did not strike out to end the NLCS.

TODAY'S BOOK: "'Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman!'", by Richard P. Feynman and Ralph Leighton ((c) 1985)

TODAY'S MOVIE: "Dumbo", from Disney (1941)

WWWW2?: Oprah Winfrey.

TODAY'S WEBSITE: The Internet Movie Database--though I think the M should stand for "Media"--is the go-to place for looking up movies, TV shows and video games online. 'Nuff said. (Look for me there on the Message Boards under the username "MetFanMac".)

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Monday, November 13, 2006



Ow, ow, owww. Yesterday I was really most stornry happy: my classmate came back from a quick jaunt to the US of A with 282 baseball cards I had bought through him to augment my collection, including Jose Reyes and David Wright!
And then I was really unhappy: I went to the dentist, where they pulled out my right-side wisdom teeth and generally caused me lots of (ouch!) pain and anguish since then. And I have pulling out the other two in six months' time to look forward to. Oh goody goody joy OUCH!
At least it wasn't a root canal. (CJ in Season One of The West Wing: "I 'ad woot canaw.") Ha ha ouch dang that was funny but it hurts me to laugh. If I knew what the opposite of XD was I would write it here.
Currently I'm taking Adex and Moxypen for the pain and (ouch!) inflammation. I'd rather be taking cannabis and crystal meth, but rules are rules. One of those rules being Thou shalt not melt thy brains. (Ouch!)

TODAY'S BOOK: "To Race the Wind", by Harold Krents ((c) 1972)

TODAY'S MOVIE: "Mary Poppins", from Disney (1964)

WWWW2?: Richard the Lion-Heart.

TODAY'S WEBSITE: Play online for free or print it out and carry it around, even arranged in your own personal e-book--it's Sudoku, the logic craze sweeping the world that you have to get in on if you haven't yet. Plus, variations on the traditional 9x9 theme are available.


Monday, November 06, 2006


"Your Horoscope For Today"

Before I begin my post, let me retract an earlier comment I made about the trout puddle in front of my school; yesterday, some unnamed idiot pulled the faucet out of the wall in a school bathroom. Result: 1 flooded floor and 100 surprised kids.
OK, now for the gist meat: more random song funness, this time Weird Al's "That's Your Horoscope For Today" (AMV: --can you see a pattern in my choices of illustrative AMVs? Laugh Out Loud and XD, whatever the heck that means), whose predictions are deliciously random.

"AQUARIUS: There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus/Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day
PISCES: Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus/You are the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say
ARIES:The look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty-pound watermelon in your colon/Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryl Streep
TAURUS: You will never find true happiness--what you gonna do, cry about it?/The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)/That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)/That's your horoscope for today

GEMINI: Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence/Your love life will run into trouble when your fiancee hurls a javelin through your chest
CANCER: The position of Jupiter says you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud/Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test
LEO: Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face, oh no/Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of Strawberry Quik
VIRGO: All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent--except for you/Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled on a stick

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)/That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)/That's your horoscope for today

Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forcasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to reaize that every single one of the is absolutely true... Where was I?
LIBRA: A big promotion is just around the corner--for someone much more talented that you/Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week
SCORPIO: Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window/Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freakSAGITTARIUS: All your friends are laughing behind your back (kill them!)/Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den
CAPRICORN: The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying/If I were you, I'd lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)/That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)/That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay)That's your horoscope for today"

TODAY'S BOOK: "Karen", by Marie Killilea ((c) 1952)

TODAY'S MOVIE: "Robin Hood", from Disney (1973)

WWWW2?: Don Corleone.

TODAY'S WEBSITE: While not as user-friendly as I'd like it to be, DC Comics' official site has covers and summaries of all series within a five-issue span, information on buying items, and a running update on their "52" series (the lost year after their major "Infinite Crisis" storyline), which is rather helpful.


Saturday, November 04, 2006


16th post

Further on my thread of thought about toon-like comic book characters: Marvel Comics has always been better in this department than DC, with the example par excellance being Howard the Duck.
If we accept Schubert's Theorem as true, then Cuyler must be post-meridian.
My favorite number is 32 'cause it's Michael Jordan's number backwards (wouldn't dare be presumptuous enough to actually wear the great man's number). Oddly enough, the first time I visited Sports Illustrated's website they ran a photo essay on the greatest #32 players of all time! Here they are: 10. JULIUS ERVING (New Jersey Nets-ABA) 9. FRANCO HARRIS (Pittsburgh Steelers-NFL) 8. STEVE CARLTON (Philadelphia Phillies-MLB) 7. O.J. SIMPSON (Buffalo Bills-NFL) 6. MARCUS ALLEN (Oakland Raiders-NFL) 5. KARL MALONE (Utah Jazz-NBA) 4. SANDY KOUFAX (Los Angeles Dodgers-MLB) 3. SHAQUILLE O'NEAL (Miami Heat-NBA) 2. MAGIC JOHNSON (Los Angeles Lakers-NBA) 1. JIM BROWN (Cleveland Browns-NFL)
Our shul was finished just in time for Rosh HaShanah. I Don't know why I'm telling you this now.
I have been forced to eat my words once and they tasted like oranges.
TODAY'S BOOK: "The Prodigal Daughter", by Jeffrey Archer ((c) 1982)
TODAY'S MOVIE: "National Treasure", from Disney (2004)
WWWW2?: Sissy Spacek.
TODAY'S WEBSITE: The official website of the only band I follow: the Capitol Steps, a parody group that deals mainly with current politics. Extremely funny, always a delight--and on every album they put a Spoonerism act, which I absolutely love (it got me onto commiting Spoonerisms of my own, all the time).

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Thursday, November 02, 2006


A moment of silence

No randomness today. Sarah Pronman, a woman whom I knew almost all my life and really liked, died this morning at age 70. תנצב"ה

TODAY'S BOOK: "The Book of Lists", by David Wallechinsky, Irving Wallace and Amy Wallace ((c) 1977)

TODAY'S MOVIE: "Frequency", from New Line (2000)

WWWW2?: Cary Grant.

TODAY'S WEBSITE: This is my homepage website, where I feel the pulse of Major League Baseball (my favorite sport) first-hand. If there's something you want to know about about baseball, it's probably there. If there's something you don't want to know about baseball, it's probably there too. PS - On the Message Boards, I go by the name "wakkaman".


Wednesday, November 01, 2006


14th post

Should crap be labeled "Malice Mel"?
In Hebrew, we have a different version of Old MacDonald. Translated: "Uncle Moshe had a cow, E-I-E-I-O/He didn't know how to milk her, E-I-E-I-O/Instead of milking, he pulled the tail/And all the crap fell on him/Uncle Moshe had a cow, E-I-E-I-O." o_o
What a perfectly random name for a book: "I Am the Cheese", by Robert Cormier. Just as good as the Beatles' song "I Am the Walrus".
Wakka. Wakka. Wakka wakka? Wak?! Wakka wakka-wak wakka wakka, wakka! Wak wak wakka... Wakka wakka.
The rainy season has started here, and there's a puddle in front my school big enough to grow freshwater trout in.
I don't think comic book illustrations should ape life too much. Take Tony Daniel, for instance. He used to illustrate comics in what I refer to as "toon style"--that is, well-drawn yet slightly exaggerated and stylized; now, he's illustrating DC Comics's "Teen Titans" and changed his style to photographic. Now, this is no knock on Mr. Daniel--he's very talented and I enjoy looking at his artwork--but I just don't feel it should be used for comic books. (To see how he changed, read through the archives at When the illsutrations become too lifelike, they stop being comics, you know what I mean?
I've found my life's philosophy wrapped up in the chorus of the song "Grow Up" by Simple Plan: "Until the day I die, I promise I won't change/So you better give up/I don't wanna be told to grow up/And I don't wanna change/I just wanna have fun..."

TODAY'S BOOK: "Animorphs #1: The Invasion", by K.A. Applegate ((c) 1996)

TODAY'S MOVIE: "Robots", from DreamWorks (2005)

WWWW2?: O. Henry.

TODAY'S WEBSITE: Need to verify a rumor that's been circulating online? How can you be sure that the photo you received in the e-mail is genuine? Well, look no farther than Snopes--the most advanced rumor-checker on the Web! Divided up into dozens of categories (plus links in between to shared stories), this is an exatraordinarily useful feature--not to mention there's great fun to be had reading through the entries. And no, there is no "SEX" in The Lion King.

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