Monday, November 06, 2006

 

"Your Horoscope For Today"

Before I begin my post, let me retract an earlier comment I made about the trout puddle in front of my school; yesterday, some unnamed idiot pulled the faucet out of the wall in a school bathroom. Result: 1 flooded floor and 100 surprised kids.
OK, now for the gist meat: more random song funness, this time Weird Al's "That's Your Horoscope For Today" (AMV: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6za2mXmwXc --can you see a pattern in my choices of illustrative AMVs? Laugh Out Loud and XD, whatever the heck that means), whose predictions are deliciously random.

"AQUARIUS: There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus/Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day
PISCES: Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus/You are the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say
ARIES:The look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty-pound watermelon in your colon/Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryl Streep
TAURUS: You will never find true happiness--what you gonna do, cry about it?/The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)/That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)/That's your horoscope for today

GEMINI: Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence/Your love life will run into trouble when your fiancee hurls a javelin through your chest
CANCER: The position of Jupiter says you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud/Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test
LEO: Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face, oh no/Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of Strawberry Quik
VIRGO: All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent--except for you/Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled on a stick

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)/That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)/That's your horoscope for today

Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forcasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to reaize that every single one of the is absolutely true... Where was I?
LIBRA: A big promotion is just around the corner--for someone much more talented that you/Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week
SCORPIO: Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window/Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freakSAGITTARIUS: All your friends are laughing behind your back (kill them!)/Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den
CAPRICORN: The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying/If I were you, I'd lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)/That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)/That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay)That's your horoscope for today"


TODAY'S BOOK: "Karen", by Marie Killilea ((c) 1952)

TODAY'S MOVIE: "Robin Hood", from Disney (1973)

WWWW2?: Don Corleone.

TODAY'S WEBSITE: www.dccomics.com While not as user-friendly as I'd like it to be, DC Comics' official site has covers and summaries of all series within a five-issue span, information on buying items, and a running update on their "52" series (the lost year after their major "Infinite Crisis" storyline), which is rather helpful.

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