Friday, December 07, 2007



ME: I wonder if I should try balancing on this bannister.
MY BROTHER: That's not a good idea.
I: Yeah. [cackles]
HIM: 'Cause if you, like, land on one of those wooden beams down there, that'd be kinda bad.
I: Uh-huh.
H: Yeah, you could probably get half-paralyzed like that if you land on your back.
I: Half-paralyzed, eh? I could probably live with that.
H: Oh, sure, what, you wouldn't be able to run anymore or use your feet or nothin'.
I: I could live with it.
H: Or you could be paralyzed up to the arms.
I: OK.
H: Or even up to your neck. All you can do is blink an' stuff.
I: Hey, you said half paralyzed, right? Half. That's what I'm talking about.
H: Hnh.
I: Well, gimme a break, I'm only gonna be half-paralyzed, what we're talkin' about here!
H: An' you can't go runnin' or walking around and stuff, all the things with the feet.
I: Just so long as I've got my hands, I'm happy. Being able to draw an' stuff. No runnin', okay.
H: And then you can't even do anything by yourself, okay, you've even gotta have somebody help ya in the bathroom.
I: No they don't.
H: Yuh-huh!
I: Nuh-huh! You been inside a, a disabled people's bathroom, right?
H: Yeah.
I: So you should be able to realize that the whole point of it is that a disabled guy can use it by himself. That's how it's built.
H: Sure, sure. You know what?
I: What?
H: If you got paralyzed and got to be in a wheelchair and everything, you'd hafta get a dog, too!
I: Pfft...
H: Yeah! They use dogs for that. I saw so. Ha ha!
I: Could use a cat to help me.
H: Yeah, right.
I: Listen, I'd rather have a tiger than a chihuahua..
H: Ha!!
I: What?
H: A tiger!
I: Well whaddaya want, you said cat, I'm sayin' cat!
H: You'd rather have a tiger than a chihuahua? You gonna be pulled around by a tiger, people ain't gonna wanna get near you, they see you coming an' they go 'Aaah!' and go runnin' away.
I: Fine.
H: How ya gonna work like that, huh?
I: I could work from home.
H: Sure, sure, work from home.
I: What? People do it all the time.
H: You stay home all the time, you won't need a tiger or a dog or nothing.
I: Fine, then, that's settled. No need for a chihuahua.

TODAY'S BOOK: "The Pursuit of Happyness", by Chris Gardner with Quincy Troupe and Mim Eichler Rivas ((c) 2006)


Hey Menachem - this was VERY funny stuff - truly you have channeled Samuel Beckett. Was this an actual conversation?! Maybe you could compromise and get a half paralyzed dog. ;-) Outstanding post!
Well, thanks for the compliment, but I actually hate Beckett. In fact, I think the only thinks his works are good for are satirizing. Except that that wasn't what I was doing here. Because it WAS an actual conversation.
:-) Still glad you enjoyed it though!
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